Mark Sanchez is on his way to being a bona fide New Yorker. He threw the first pitch at Citi field last night and even rode the subway! I'm thrilled that Gang Green was able to nab the top rated QB - hell, any QB. If Thomas Jones agrees to a contract and we pick up any decent receiver in the next four months, there might yet be reason for '09 optimism. I foresee just one problem...
Sanchez is fucking hot. Six-two, 230 pounds, dark locks peaking out of a Jets cap over his tanned Cali skin... shit, even I think less about some beastly safety plowing him and more about him plowing me. Considering the performances of pre-Jessica Romo vs post-Jessica Romo or A-Rod before and after Madonna, I worry that some Us Magazine hussy will ruin his career before it even starts. My advice? Woody Johnson should plant one of his goombas on Sanchez's next subway ride and mug him. After all, nothing says welcome to New York like a good, old fashioned hold-up. Not too serious of a face-smashing of course, just a broken nose and a couple missing teeth before one of the Olsen twins gets a hold of him and we're back to optioning Brad Smith.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Will Put Out for QB
After a month of post break-up surfing and salsa dancing in South America, I finally stripped off my tattered number four mourning jersey. It seems that I came back to New York just in the nick of time. The hunt for Jay Cutler is on, and I want him badly. The whole mature older guy thing was fun for a while, but it is so last season. Now the hottest guy in school is officially single, and, like, I am totally crushing on him.
But can Gang Green possibly snag JC before some hotter team gets their slutty hands all over him? The Jets' first three draft picks sit low at 17, 52 and 76. They have no veteran quarterback to swap out – I mean, no one’s really dreaming that Kellen Clemens is going to ask them to the prom. I offer this piece of advice to the green powers that be: put out. This is no time for fallacious chastity. Sexy Rexy Ryan has done a great job stacking the defense, and for the most part the offensive line remains in tact. The only missing piece is a quarterback, so there's absolutely no reason to pretend you're saving that precious gift for someone truly special. This is the hottest guy you are ever going to get, so dig deep into your pants pockets... and spread 'em.
But can Gang Green possibly snag JC before some hotter team gets their slutty hands all over him? The Jets' first three draft picks sit low at 17, 52 and 76. They have no veteran quarterback to swap out – I mean, no one’s really dreaming that Kellen Clemens is going to ask them to the prom. I offer this piece of advice to the green powers that be: put out. This is no time for fallacious chastity. Sexy Rexy Ryan has done a great job stacking the defense, and for the most part the offensive line remains in tact. The only missing piece is a quarterback, so there's absolutely no reason to pretend you're saving that precious gift for someone truly special. This is the hottest guy you are ever going to get, so dig deep into your pants pockets... and spread 'em.
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