Tonight... Saints at Packers, 8:30, NBC After much anxiety and anticipation, the 2012 NFL season kicks off tonight with a battle between the last two Super Bowl champs. And what a season it promises to be! With all the post-lockout trades it’s hard to keep track of who is on what team anymore. Ochocinco is actually playing three positions for four franchises while he boxes and kicks a soccer ball. Unstoppable 85 says he’s able to be just that awesome through a combination of time travel and a vial of tiger’s blood he bought from a "Grammy worthy musician with crazy fingers and a sick collection of bones in his closet." Let the games begin!
Sunday starts with...
Steelers at Ravens, 1:00, CBS The classic rivalry comes early this season before Joe Flacco’s balls have a chance to drop. The Steelers haven’t lost a season opener since 2002 and will put up a persistent fight even if it means losing half their team to the Ravens' ruthless D.
Lions at Bucs, 1:00, FTW* The two potential sleeper teams meet this weekend. Tampa’s offense looks nice with Josh Freeman starting off with two good thumbs and a more seasoned LaGarrette Blount, while Detroit hopes to start this season just as it finished last year's and maybe even appear in a playoff game for the first time in 11 years.
Panthers at Cardinals, 4:15, SISS** It’s worth turning on this game to see Cam Newton’s debut, especially after receiving what he called “golden advice” from his “idol” Michael Vick. The ex-con phoned the rookie out of the blue to give him pointers for his first game, and although the details were not disclosed the gist of it should have been to get a new idol.
Cowboys at Jets, 8:20, NBC It’s questionable whether any football will actually be played in the first Sunday night game this year or if the brothers Ryan will have a breath fueled hot air balloon race while Tony Romo challenges Mark Sanchez to a walk-off. A healthy Romo makes his big return with three can’t miss targets Jason Witten, Miles Austin, and Dez Bryant, but first Dallas’s O-line will have to stop Rex’s D from sending their QB back on injured reserve.
And oh right, there's college ball on Saturday:
(16) Mississippi State at Auburn, 12:20, MSG Auburn’s uninspiring performance last week caused the defending national champions to lose their ranking, only the second team to do so since the preseason poll started in 1950. The disappointment makes the conference opener all the more tense as the Tigers try to defend the longest active winning streak in the FBS.(3) Alabama at (23) Penn State, 3:30, ABC The most hyped up college game of the week will likely end in Bama’s total domination of Penn State, but not before a robust offensive display with both teams playing two QBs. Still, the Nittany Lions will surely put up a hearty fight after they discovered that a Crimson Tide fan poisoned JoePa when he mistook the ageless coach for an Ent.
(12) South Carolina at Georgia, 4:30, ESPN The SEC rivals are both coming off of weak starts. Although the Gamecocks at least eked out a week one win, even Coach Spurrier admitted they were lucky to be 1-0. Georgia will have a hard time stopping South Carolina’s RB Marcus Lattimore from ploughing through their D, especially after losing guard Kenarious Gates and linebacker Alec Ogletree.
BYU at (24) Texas, 7:00, ESPN2 Texas has a chance to try their new wildcat formation against a more formidable defense when they play the newly independent BYU.
Notre Dame at Michign, 8:00, ESPN After starting their seasons in lightening lit stadiums, the Irish and the Wolverines meet this weekend in a game that hopefully lasts all four quarters. Despite playing on a Slip ‘n Slide last week, the Michigan offense looked sharp before the game was called in the third with 1:27 to go. If Notre Dame has any chance of making it to a bowl game this year they’ll have to look like a different team than the one that lost to South Florida last week, but they stand a chance if sophomore Tommy Rees replaces senior Dayne Crist as the starting QB.
*Fuck Time Warner**Seriously, I'll Screw for a Satellite
Networks based on Manhattan residency.
